That’s me. I am the non-biological mother to our son. When my wife and I first met, we discussed having a huge family similar to the Jolie-Pitt’s at the time. We had no idea what having kids was really like. I laugh at those days now. My wife is two years older than I am therefore, she wanted to carry our son. This was something that was established for a long time and I was fine with it. We found a donor pretty easily so that was set. Cut to and it is time to make the baby. The insemination worked the first time around which I did not expect. I remember the day she told me she was pregnant. I know exactly what I was doing. I was cleaning. More specifically, I was on my hands and knees scrubbing behind the toilet of our guest bathroom. I immediately stood and saw myself in the mirror that took up an entire wall. I saw myself but I was already different. From that moment my life has never been the same. So much has transpired between then and now. I have learned so many life lessons that I would not have learned if my then girlfriend had not become pregnant.
The First Trimester
It was hard. The whole thing was hard. You see, how can I say this delicately…..my wife is the more masculine one in the relationship, I mean what can I say. That is what I am attracted to, the more butch type lesbian and there is nothing wrong with that. I myself am quite the opposite. I am femme de la femme. As feminine as they come. So now that you have a picture in your head, you can imagine what this did to me emotionally. Oh, you can’t imagine? Let me tell you about it! When one becomes pregnant hormones happen. That’s all I can say. Hormones. Hormones. All the hormones. This first trimester was a shit show. First of all, I was used to a certain dynamic to our relationship that I loved and was used to and so when that changed, I freaked out. All of a sudden my girlfriend was acting like a girl which is fine and totally normal. I do love girls, after all. But this was on an entire different level and one that I was not attracted to. There I said it. You can say what you want, think what you want. You may think I am mean or, what’s the word, insensitive and I absolutely was all of those things. Now, I am not proud of those things but in order to move on from that one must accept the ugly things that they have done. So the first trimester was rough. I had no idea what to do. I was young and no idea how to act towards my pregnant girlfriend. It was a nightmare to be home. I stayed at work as long as possible without looking suspicious.
At that time mental health and therapy wasn’t as cool as it is now. I was dealing with all of this internally. I started having doubts. I never said that to anybody. I just kept butting heads with my girlfriend and the fights were epic. And not in a good way. I had completely underestimated what this journey would be like. I did not think all of these negative feelings would bubble up and consume all of me. I was not thinking of my girlfriend. Not at all.
Come back next week for part 2 of this Non-Bio Mom series.